April isn’t my favorite month. I have to pay my taxes, tolerate April Showers that will hopefully bring May flowers, and deal with my cranky Catholic friends who’ve given up alcohol, chocolate, hanky panky and other necessities for Lent. Thankfully, there is one saving grace when the month of April comes around… April Fool’s Day.

Some may argue that April Fool’s Day isn’t really a holiday. Those folks have no doubt sat on one too many whoopie cushions or wet themselves from having their hands dipped in warm water every year at sleep-away camp. My advice is to get over it, or better yet… get even. Here are my top ten favorite monumental April Fool’s Day pranks that will inspire you to get out there April 1st and totally act the fool.

10. The Taco Liberty Bell

In 1996, Taco Bell took out a full-page ad in The NY Times announcing they had purchased the Liberty Bell in order to reduce the country’s debt. In exchange for their hefty purchase, the Liberty Bell would be re-named the “Taco Liberty Bell”. Philadelphians weren’t impressed with the belittling of their beloved bell. Emanating the bravery of their forefathers who rebelliously threw tea into the harbor during the Boston Tea Party, Liberty Bell loyalists responded by tossing chalupas into the Delaware River.

9. The Left-Handed Whopper

BK had April Fool’s Day their way in 1998 when they published a full page ad in USA Today introducing their newest item on the menu – the “Left-Handed Whopper”. Created for triple meat loving lefties, the burger featured condiments that were rotated 180 degrees, expertly designed to drip out of the right side instead of the left. Thousands of lefty Lucys and Larrys stormed into BK’s requesting their leftie burgers.

Apparently they weren’t using any left brain activity.

8. Rogue Bras

In 1982 The Daily Mail reported that a local manufacturer had sold 10,000 rogue bras that were a threat to public safety. Unfortunately, the copper support wire (originally designed for fire alarms) produced static electricity when in direct contact with nylon and body heat.

Fearful that their Thelma and Louises were housed in potentially harmful electrifying devices, a graduation day worthy Pomp and Circumstance ensued with a class of Double D sized women tossing their brassieres into the air instead of graduation caps.

Luckily for those Bra Gone Wild wearing women, camera phones and You Tube had not yet been invented.

7. Drunk Surfing

On April 1st, 1994 PC Computing magazine reported that a bill conveniently numbered 040194 (4/1/94) was making its way through Congress, making it illegal to operate the internet while intoxicated.
Apparently, the government believed that driving down the Interstate Highway while plastered was just as serious an offense as surfing and chatting on the Informational Highway while drunk off your asterisk*.

After many angry phone calls the rumor was finally denied, with World Wide Web enthusiasts happily returning to their daily routines of drunk Instant Messaging and searching for porn.

6. White Dog Scam

In 1965 a newspaper in Copenhagen reported that the Danish parliament had passed a new law requiring all dogs to be painted white with a goal to increase road safety.

It is unknown how many pet owners actually succeeded in painting their dogs white, but black dogs retaliated by suing the Danish Parliament in a class action lawsuit for racial discrimination against canine minorities.

5. Smellovision

BBC TV featured an interview in 1965 with a professor who claimed to invent a new breakthrough technology that allowed the transmission of odors over the airwaves to all viewers. Smellovision demonstrations featuring onion slicing and coffee brewing had viewers utterly convinced and calling in to confirm the familiar smells that were wafting through their homes. Some even claimed to be crying from all those chopped onions.

Viewers were saddened to hear that their amazing Smellovision was just a hoax. WWF Wrestling fans were especially disappointed when they learned they would not be able to smell what the Rock was cooking.

4. Annoying Ring Tone Rage

In April of 2007, NPR (National Public Radio) announced in their weekend edition that a New York City Democratic councilman had called for a ban on obnoxious ring tones. A new phenomenon referred to as “Ring-tone Rage” was sweeping the nation and causing mass disturbia with annoying ring–tones instigating numerous fights and confrontations in the city. Cell phone users would be restricted to four city-approved and no doubt boring ring tones.

Angry cell phone users revolted, gathering on top of the Empire State Building in an act of solidarity, refusing to remove Sir-Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, the Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps” or even the Nokia default ring-tone from their phones. Ironically, most of them missed calls filling them in on the prank because their phones were on silent.

3. Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

In a BBC news broadcast in 1957, it was announced that thanks to a mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a record yielding spaghetti crop. Paired with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti off of trees, an insane number of viewers called in for information on how to grow their own pasta trees.

Upon hearing the news, the legendary Chef Boyardee suffered a mild heart attack crying out “Uh oh spaghetiio!” in fear of losing his multi-million dollar pasta empire. Thank goodness for Chef Boyardee’s complete recovery.

2. Bill Gates Assassinated

The biggest question asked since Dallas fans cried out “Who Shot JR” in 1980 was “Who Shot Bill Gates?” in April of 2003. It was posted on a number of Chinese and South Korean Websites that the Man, the Myth, the Microsoft legend had been assassinated, reportedly shot by a lone gunman at a charity event in LA. The Korean stock market quickly plummeted by an astounding 1.5% with a value loss of more than three billion dollars. Poor Birr[1] Gates was gone, and so were a lot of yuans[2] and wons[3].

[1] Chinese pronunciation of Bill
[2] 1 Chinese yuan = 0.146239 U.S. dollars
[3] 1 South Korean won = 0.000697 U.S. dollars

1. George Bush

Eight years of being pranked.

Fool you once, shame on me. Elect me twice, shame on you.